There are two ways to tell the truth. The "give them a piece of your mind" style, which only drives the wedge deeper: or the Bible way: "Speaking the truth in love," which resolves conflict and strengthens relationships. Suppose a couple is fighting because he's habitually late, How can she speak "the truth in love" and get her message across and heard? Here's a five step process that's effective in marriage, friendship or work.
She could say to him:
(1). "I feel frustrated." No blame, no attack, just an honest expression of her own emotion.
(2). "When you are late. "No judging, name-calling or labeling; just a concrete description of his action.
(3). "It seems to say to me that my time is not really important to you. "No moralizing; just honestly sharing her feelings.
(4). "Please try to be on time, or call and let me know when you'll be here. Instead of focusing on past actions he can't change, she's telling him what she'd like him to do differently next time.
(5). "Would you be willing to do that for me?" No demanding or taking for granted; just asking for consideration and cooperation. When he agrees, they have a "contract." She thanks him sincerely and rewards every effort he makes to keep his word. She has effectively realigned the couple by making him her ally, not her enemy, and redefined the focus as a shared one, not something she "does to him!" The Bible says we can "walk together" when we agree." (Amos 3:3)
The reason why many saints refer to the first strategy of "giving someone a piece of their mind" is because such individuals have not crucified, put to death the "Old Man", their Old Nature of Sin." Paul speaks to the Church at Corinth in 1Corinthians chapter 3. He begins by saying:
"And I, BRETHREN, COULD NOT SPEAK UNTO YOU AS UNTO SPIRITUAL, BUT AS UNTO CARNAL, EVEN AS UNTO BABES IN Christ. I HAVE FED YOU WITH MILK, AND NOT WITH MEAT: FOR HITHERTO YE WERE NOT ABLE TO BEAR IT, NEITHER YET NOW ARE YE ABLE. fOR YE ARE YET CARNAL: FOR WHEREAS THER,IS AMONG YOU ENVYING, AND STRIFE, AND DIVISIONS, ARE YE NOT CARNAL, AND WALK AS MEN?
Notice he did not say they were spiritually mature men because they were a church that had lots of spiritual gifts and talents, yet they were a quarrelsome brood of people. In the New Testament theology or I should say, "Christology," the Apostle Paul and the Apostle John make the distinction between baby saints and mature saints. John said, " But as many as received him, to them gave He the power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name." John 1:12 KJV).
When you are a "son" of God, you are described as follows:
hyiós – properly, a son (by birth or adoption); (figuratively) anyone sharing the same nature as their Father. For the believer, becoming a son of God begins with being reborn (adopted) by the heavenly Father – through Christ (the work of the eternal Son). In the NT, 5207 /hyiós ("son") equally refers to female believers (Gal 3:28).
5207 /hyiós ("son") emphasizes likeness of the believer to the heavenly Father, i.e. resembling His character more and more by living in faith ("God's inwrought persuasons," see 4102 /pístis).
The Greek word is sarkikos, which literally means: "fleshy." Christians can be carnal. But a true Christian will not remain carnal for a lifetime. Those that come into the faith are "babes in Christ," but the Lord expects babes to grow up just as natural parents expect their infant boy or girl to grow up. When a Christian fails to grow up in Christ, they are eating from the table of the world and not from the Every Word That Proceeded From The Mouth Of God!'
The question is: What are you, and how long have you been that way? While we are yet in this mortal body, we will sin. But we have Christ as our High Priest. He is making intercession for us 24?7, 365. As He has forgiven us, so we must forgive our sisters and brothers. God is listening and watching how we interact and speak to one another. Let us put on Christ and take off the "Old Man." Only then can we say that we are growing up in Christ and able to eat and digest the "Meat" of His Word.
HAVE A BLESSED DAY AND: "DON'T FORGET TO SAY YOURPRAYERS!"